Lent & Spin Class Drama

I skipped Lent this year.. Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) is usually like my turning point. It's usually beginning to mid February and that means I am typically off my New Year's Resolution high.. and it just seems so much better because now it'll be a new (better) me AND it centers around the Lord. Score!!

I attend mass, get my ashes, give up a few bad habits.. or acquire a few good ones.. and I always start going back to church around that time..

Well this year, I was driving to work when the radio DJ informed me it was Ash Wednesday. WHAT?!?!?! How did I miss that one?? I couldn't think of what I wanted to give up.. I was heading in to work in NY that day and wouldn't be home in time for mass. It was just a mess.

I said I would start a few days late and extend it a few days to make up for it.. but here with are with Palm Sunday being tomorrow and I didn't attend mass once, nor did I pray more, nor did I sacrifice anything.. sigh

And I can't start going to mass tomorrow because I can't be that woman who just shows up for palm. Oh no, the regulars know who attends.. and who shows up for palm. I'll start going again soon.. but definitely after Easter.

In the meantime.. I've been successful at keeping Satan at bay lately. I'm sure Jesus loves that.

I have been super great this week with not turning to food other than when I'm hungry. Oh, and in Spin Class.. there is this woman who I really don't like.. nor does she like me.. we both like the fan to face us and so we keep moving it then the other will move it back.. it's childish, I know.. So last week I told her "Oh hell no!" when she moved it, and then I got off my bike and adjusted it back on me.. so this week when she did it.. I didn't move it back, but boy was my blood boiling.. I thought "Oh ok bitch, you wanna move the fan again. Next week, I'm taking your spot. See how you like that!"

And if you are a regular spinner.. a serious spinner.. you like your bike and your spot. But then I thought Jesus wouldn't like that very much.

So, yeah, that was my point. I skipped Lent, but I still love Jesus and want to do the right thing. Even when the wrong thing is sooooooooo tempting.

My 34th Birthday

Woo Hoo is my birthday!!!

Frankie D hooked me UP!!!!

He is not a good gift buyer.. sorry honey, I love you more than anything.. but yeah no, not the best gift buyer..

Well, he outdid himself last night.. Today's my birthday.. 34th gasp! But we've been celebrating holidays the night before so I got my gifts last night. And might I say, getting gifts the night before ROCKS!!

He got me tons of clothes from Hollister & Aero...

Now, I already have tons of clothes from both these places.. but they were given to me by a 14 yo family friend who decided they were no longer her style.. say whaaat??

I don't actually shop there.. I'm lucky if I can find money in our budget to shop at Target.

He got me 3 capri sweats which I've never tried on, but absolutely loved!! A few booty shorts, a few tanks, a few tee shirts.. and one not so attractive fish net sweater thing.. I had to tell him to return it. And ironically he thought about getting it, and didn't because it was $40 then actually went back to mall and got it.. ha! Only to have me tell him to return it. Yeah, fish net might be cool for over a bathing suit.. but this was like a sweater open in the front..

Thank goodness he doesn't know about this blog.. or I'd feel bad.. but hey, I love all my other gifts!! He totally surprised me!

LOVE LOVE LOVE him.. and my kiddos... and my gifts... and my life... um can you tell I've had 3 glasses of sangria?? hahaha.. but I do love my life!! mega much!!

The Diet starts tomorrow

I am a flippin nut job.. I wake up and weigh myself.. then I go pee and weigh myself again.. I get dressed, get the kids up and ready.. and I start thinking about how well my day is going to be. I am going to eat fruits and veggies and drink tons of water.

And then it happens.. I am consumed with thoughts of food.. burger king, pizza, ice cream, cookies, quesadillas... .... .... I then end up in my kitchen and am binging. Maybe my "binge" isn't quite a binge.. maybe it's just "overeating"? I'm not sure...

Today's lunch consisted of:
6 homemade chocolate cupcakes with icing and coconut (1500)
2 english muffins with butter (300)
handful of cheese itz (150)
10 slices of fried eggplant (700)
2,650 calories.. approximately

I skipped breakfast and I prob won't have dinner, but 2650 is still double what my 5'0" frame needs.. I was 119 lbs this morning and that is unacceptable.. I am at my absolute heaviest and I hate it! Me at 110 is normal.. not thin, but not gross either.. just a measly 9 lbs more and I kid you not, I haven't worn jeans in two weeks. I've tried! But they are impossible.

Me at 105 is skinny.. and let's not tell lies here.. I want skinny!!! Not gross skinny! I am very athletic and I take several weight lifting classes a week.. I think sculpted arms is so sexy! My legs are cury.. not straight.. so my "skinny" isn't model skinny.. it's healthy skinny! I mean I could be in the "normal" range of the BMI scale at 97 lbs (maybe even 95, I forget) ... so I'm adding 7-10 lbs more to that..

I have said "tomorrow" a million times.. seriously for like a decade!!!!

A flipping decade of me wanting to eat light and right... and then not doing it.. ten years!!! Ugh....

So, tomorrow is March 1st... and damn it I will reach my goal of 105 lbs by May 1st... I friggen will!!!

And I don't know if anyone will read this..... but just because it is out there... I think it'll motivate me to stick with it...

So each day I will record all of the food that crosses my lips... as well as my weight...

Wish me luck!
Nicole

Back on track

Do you ever feel like you are not following the social norm and therefore are wrong???

I am queen of not following the "social" norm.. I follow lots of rules, in fact calling me a rule follower would accurately describe me.. Not too into going against the grain and ruffling anyone's feathers.. unless of course it's for human rights.. then I'll ruffle away!

But what I'm talking about with me is .. I'm an oversharer.

I always have been.. someone would comment on something of mine and I'd say "Oh thanks! $20 bucks at Marshalls!" and my father would get annoyed (maybe even embarrassed) and say "Nicole, just say 'thank you'."

But ya know what.. I LIKE oversharing.. I like being real.. and for some odd reason I like to make myself and my life look worse than it is ONLY if it'll benefit the person on the other end..

For example, I love my husband dearly (despire the previous post stating otherwise. HA!) I honestly do.. sure he ticks me off.. but I scored me a winner with that one! But if my girlfriend is speaking about being unhappy in her marriage (and why do they all seem to be so dang unhappy?!) then I feel obligated to chime in with something negative that I can relate to so that poor girl doesn't feel like she is the only one.. I'll be like "Oh, please. Frank too. I wanna kill him sometimes." I mean I don't go too crazy and tell lies or anything.. But I hate that I do that.. I hate that I use Frank as a stepping stone for someone else to feel better.. but he's just a casualty in my determination to make this sad person feel better.. or at the very least.. less alone..

This is why I don't blog often.. I am a rambler!!

My original point is simply to overshare.. I am through the roof with joy right now.. but to explain why I must tell my private business.. which is AOK with me.. just not society apparently..

So Hurricane Sandy costs us $1,000 in various expenses.. which is literally a drop in the bucket compared to 90% of my friends and neighbors who had water in their house and are looking at $50,000 in damages.. No water in our house.. thank God!! It got close but never got in.. However, no power for 2 weeks meant taking my kids an hour away to my moms daily.. yes, daily.. she left them here for the first week (with no heat) but we all kept saying, thinking, praying that it would come on the next day. Finally she takes them and she couldn't handle them.. She was screaming every moment.. Her house is a typical old lady house with lots of breakables and no messes.. She wasn't comfortable taking them and didn't want to, but had to bc of the temps.. So every day Frank and I would drive down (looters were rampid so we had to protect the house. I could've stayed with my mom, but leaving Frank here alone with no heat or power felt horribly wrong. Least staying here with him, I knew the boys were safe and warm.)

The gas lines were 5 hours long and you could only go on odd even days (last # of your license plate)..

So, needless to say.. Nov 1's mortgage didn't get paid.. Then December came and it was either pay the mortgage or give my 3 sons Christmas.. and we chose Christmas.. December's mortgage, also not paid..

I don't even know what happened in January. I mean we could have paid the mortgage, but then we'd be ridiculously broke.. Like no gas or food money broke.. This was probably just the snowball effect from the previous months.

Well, guess what I get in the mail.. Foreclosure papers of course. Awesome.. I am not one to be late on my bills.. these past few months have been so stressful and almost surreal. I grew up this house, my father passed away here.. I just can't imagine moving..

Then today I filed our taxes and am able to catch up on all payments missed.. And there ended up being an extra grand that I wasn't expecting.. Booyah!! Happy moment for sure!! After it was submitted I called the mortgage company to set up a payment for when my return would be in there.. and the woman tells me they haven't actually sent it to the lawyers for foreclosure yet.. which means I didn't have to pay those fees!!! And we're talking $1,000!! Score!!

So yeah, been smiling and dancing and of course, telling everyone!! I am just SO freaking happy..

Oh, did I mention I prayed to God this morning?? I hardly pray.. and I mean hardly as in a few times a year! But when I do, He always answers my prayers..

I am so relieved.. so much stressed is gone.. I love my family, love my life.. love my friends.. love God.. so so so glad to get back on track!!!!

Love Hate Love

No one can infuriate me like this man can.. my blood is boiling right now.. yet, I know with certaintly it is a little, very stupid, misunderstanding.. I want to say "arguement" but it really isn't..

But his reaction has sent me in a tizzy.. I am fuming.. I want to curse him out so badly.. I want to pound on his face actually.. ha! It's the Italian Jersey girl in me..

He is up in PA doing some side tile job with my brother.. and sends me a text that says

"Tell ayd i love em. Miss u guys. I looove u :)"

Like um just tell "ayd" you love him.. not Ethan?!?!?! (Gavin slept out)..

Something so stupid, right?!?!? Well he got ticked at me for saying something.. he writes back "of course I meant Eth too." (mmm hrmm)

I'm not saying he doesn't love Ethan!! I'm just saying what father WRITES tell one son I love him.. who does that??

Well, apparently I insulted him (I'm sure he took it as I was calling him a bad dad.. and in a small way I guess I was.)

So do you know what he says at the end.. that mother effer writes:

"I'll deal with you when I get home."

OH MY WORD!!!! No he didn't!!! Who the fuck does he think he is talking to?!?!?! Oh yeah, I'm furious.. I know I know it's my ego.. but Lord help me not kill him.. Lord help me forgive.. Lord?? Herlow?? Did we get disconnected???

Nicole, it's me Satan.. you are sooo right!!! He had no right to talk to you that way!! Get him girl! Show him what's what!! You do everything, he does nothing! lol

Breathe Nicole.. breathe.. he's grumpy he's at work.. he thinks you told the boys daddy only loves you Ayden (I would never of course.. but he may think that)

Do I call or text an apology???? But for what??? What did IIIIIIIII doooo??? He's wrong. I'm right..

But okay okay.. Jesus floods me with forgiveness.. I will return the favor.. I guess..

But first.. I'll lighten the mood.. or attempt to.. he's just as furious.. I'll text him:

"I forgive you." hehehe

Whew.. glad that's over..

What a freakin day...

Dr. Oz said chew your food slowly today.. do you ever feel like all you process all day is information you already knew??

My day started off at 6:45am when my cell phone rang..

Me in a super groggy voice: "Hello?"
Little girl voice on other end: "Hello?"

Click.. we're disconnected..
Ring ring.. grrrr..

Me: "Hello?!"
Her: "Is Gavin there?" (my 13 yo - who has his own cell phone!)
M: Who is this?
H: Gavin's friend Nicole.
M: Well, this is Gavin's mother Nicole. Do not EVER call this number again. This is my cell phone. It is friggen 6:45 in the morning!

Silence and then we both hang up..

I thought it was a weekend and the stalker was really off her rocker.. but she was just calling because they walk to school together.. but still!! Gavin forgot his phone one day and called me on the way home using her cell to let me know he was on his way. Apparently she stored the number. And since Gavin wasn't responding to her texts on his cell.. she tried mine.. What is wrong with kids.. but let me not go any further about that..

Moving on.. I hit some guys mirror with my truck's mirror after dropping the two little ones to school.. tight road, thought I could make it.. wrong!! My mirror collapsed in, but his was metal.. a small work truck.. so I figured, no harm done.. and kept driving.. then about a block away I thought.. what if this guy called the cops and I get a hit a run.. so I pulled over.. he just laughed and told me no harm done.. Thank God!

Drive the twenty minutes to work.. grab my bag in the back.. and there it is.. Ayden's paper with his lines for the upcoming play.. awesome! Mind you this is the same piece of paper we couldn't find this morning and I dug through the trash, not once but twice to find.. where was it you ask? In the bathroom - right where he left it! grrr..

Yep.. had to drive back and give it to him because the only reason it was in the back seat was because he did me a favor and buckled up little man for me..

Needless to say I am spent!

And this whole low carb shit is for the birds.. I want something other than meat and cheese damnit! but the scale is moving and my tummy is looking almost as good as the old bitty with fake boobs who was in my Body Pump class on Sunday.. doncha hate older chicks who (A) have fake boobs, (B) wear full make up to the gym and (C) wear skimpy clothes.. I mean it's bad enough on a young chick.. but older women look pathetic trying to compete with the 20 somethings.. they always win.. they're 20!!!

And besides.. age is sexy.. embrace it.. be the older chick who still goes to the gym with a rockin bod.. we can see it through form fitted clothes.. no need to be popping out in that string tank top that shows your belly girlfriend..

Day 3 was a success.. but don't ask me why or how.. all I know is when I set caloric limits I fail.. majorly!! But this whole stay under a certain # of carbs (past 3 days has been 50g) and I am able to..

But I hate it.. and it's not sustainable.. at all.. most people gain all the weight back.. must must must reenter carbs slowly and never again can I consume them like I was doing.. no more 4 slices of pizza.. sigh.. must be one with a salad and fruit.. or maybe 2 if it's within my calories.. idfk.. I'm hungry = cranky..

Low Carb Meals

I am not a fan of cooking.. I have "cooked" dinner maybe 25 times in the past 4 months.. that averages about 6x a month.. yep, sounds about right..

My mother raised me on meat, mashed potatoes and a veggie.. and the veggies were sad.. canned corn, peas, string beans.. and then frozen broccoli and spinach..

I've eaten more mashed potatoes than any human should and I stopped eating them as soon as I left the coop at 18..

When the occasion arises that I do cook.. 99% of the time it involves a tortilla wrap: fajitas, burritos, tacos, enchiladas.. or my own little creation..

After gaining some weight and working my tail off at the gym to no avail.. I decided to kick my cupcake, candy and cereal diet.. As much I love love love my carbs.. I am doing the low carb thing..

Today is day 2 and here's what I've learned so far.. you can't guzzle down noncarb foods like you can with carbs.. it's a process to make the salad, or cook an omlet, or fry some bacon..

The process of preparing food does something to me.. I can't really explain it other than to say it seems to calm the animal within..

Normally I shovel cake or cereal so fast that I am not even close to being full.. toast w/ PB is another fave.. but with meats and cheeses.. you don't want to do that.. it's just not as satisfying in large amounts..

But, I am tons fuller on smaller portions.. the meat & cheeses are like bricks in my belly.. I couldn't eat a cupcake even if I wanted to! Well, okay maybe I could.. but the urge certainly isn't there.

I'm still not a fan and really miss my best friend carbs.. but I just keep reminding myself it's temporary.. once I get to where I wanna be.. I will slowly readjust my eating to where I can eat carbs in moderation..

Until then, I need meal ideas that are crazy easy and I can't find any.

Bacon and eggs are great for breakfast.. cheese is a good snack.. salad w/ turkey & swiss seems like an okay lunch, but kinda grossed me out yesterday.. and for dinner (and lunch today) I made chicken, cheese & salsa.. mmm

Throw the chicken in at 350* for 10 mins..
Take out, add salsa and put back in for 10 mins..
Take out, add cheese and it goes in for another 10 mins..

Super simple, one pan.. easy peasy.. my kind of recipe.. my brother taught me that years ago.. but aside from that I got nutten.. : /